Thursday, April 07, 2016

I Am Too Much

I am too much.

too loud
too big
too emotional
too wordy
too needy
too sensitive
too pessimistic
too depressed
too fat
too indecisive
too scary
too intense
too passionate
too distant
too liberal
too conservative
too vulnerable
too transparent
too too too much.

And still.

I am never enough.

Monday, April 04, 2016

When All You Have is a Paper Placemat

Save the waitresses, I am the only woman in the whole restaurant. The counter, the booths, the tables are all occupied by old men. A few sit by themselves, absorbed in their newspapers and eggs. Most of them, though, sit in groups of three or four. They talk about the things of those who aren't old enough to be elderly but for whom youth is faint. From the corner booth, I hear snippets of wives, of diabetes, of boyhood fistfights. Bravado is gone and these men, in their knit beanies, remember being afraid to fight but doing it anyway. The tenderness with which they treat one another is wrapped in a crunchy layer of ribbing and is beautiful.

For that one, serene coffee shop moment, I see these men as the they boys they once were, that they still are, behind their grey beards and their glasses and the careful chewing of toast.