Ponds, Rowboats and Staying Out of the Tule

"It was as if she righted herself continually against some current that never ceased to pull" -- Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson

My uncle and aunt have a lovely, minuscule pond in front of their home.  It just enough for a rowboat and that rowboat can make it across the entire pond in one or two really good pulls.  It is a quiet pond with a giant fish named Submarine Bob and a few ducks.  I remember sneaking away to the pond during a family event (I don't really do people all that well) with a book. Not only are books my favorite entertainment and hobby, but also, they are my connection to staying sane and my hiding place in times of anxiety.   I can say, both literally and figuratively, books have saved my life.  That said, it was in one of those times that I grabbed any book I could get my hands on, carefully lowered myself into the boat, and pushed myself out into the middle of the pond.

My plan was to get to the middle of the pond where I could pretend that I didn't hear anyone and get fully engrossed in reading and actively avoiding humans.  It's a still pond, it was a still day, I thought my plan was golden.  I rowed my one good row and got to the center of the pond.  I opened the book to page one and started reading.  By the end of page one, the tule reeds that line the shore were tickling my nose.  The boat had drifted to the edge of the pond in the time it took me to read one page and I am a fast reader.  I picked up the oars again, got myself back into position and started page two.  Tule reed.  Row. Read. Tule reed in my face.  Row, Read.  Tule reed in my nose.  I couldn't relax long enough to read more than one page at a time before having to stop, pick up the oars, and get back into the place I wanted to be.

Story of my life.  I want to be centered, in the middle of the pond, doing what I love and feeling safe. As soon as I get there, I get pulled to the edges, get stuck in the tall grasses and have to put down whatever I am doing in order to get back out to the center again.  Not only is it an imposition, but it takes so much damn effort.  The pushing, the rowing, the picking up and setting down of the oars, the steadying of the boat in the water.  Staying centered requires work.  Endless amounts of work.